Yesterday I made my personal on the 10 km distance (not during a race, just regular training).
While I was in the middle of it, I checked my pace, and I was doing 3:52/km.
That was exactly my personal record on the 1 km when I was 7 years old. How cute was that?
One year later, my personal was 3:15.
...and I could go on and on.
We are climbers, or runners, or whatever and we're living in the constant search of numbers: times, paces, grades... With that in our mind we forget why we're trying to beat those number. We forget that we're doing something just because we love it.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
and then one day you find ten years have got behind you
no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
Note: if your name is Chris Sharma or Adam Ondra you can skip this post.
If not, please read.
I will describe here another kind of infestation that affects every climbing gyms and climbing areas all around the world.
I will talk about the classic hominid that screams and yells during its favorite activity.
For scientific reasons, I will refer to the specimen as "Screaming Monkey" (SM).
The SM can be found in every gym and crag and boulder area all around the world.
In 98% of the cases, the SM is a young male, often half naked (for more details, please read here) even though sporadically, also females have been described.
The principal characteristic of the SM is its ability to scream and yell like a wounded dinosaur while is climbing.
The only purpose of the scream is to attract the attention of other people. In its mind, those terrible sounds have the meaning of "Look at me how giga-awesome I am!" and "Look at what incredible and amazing things I'm doing on this wall...". Unfortunately for it, nobody really cares about what is doing; however it will keep to emit its loud noises.
Moreover, the noise is also used in general by the SM to announce is presence to the rest of the climber population present in loco, especially to mates of opposite sex and/or in case of crowded areas.
Usually, the intensity and the frequency of its screams are proportionally correlated to the intensity of its climbing. In other words, with the increase of the difficulty of the climbing, will be an increase of the noise pollution.
In general, the noise of the SM can be categorized in four different groups:
1) The Argh: usually is a single short and loud scream. This sound is generally used during the most difficult passage of whatever the SM is climbing. The Argh is shouted in the fatal moment in which the SM is holding the key crimp of the thing is climbing. The Argh is used by the SM as a snapshot of the moment.
2) The S(h)n (with the variant of S(h)nahh): this is the classic sound of a pumped SM. This is a noise produced when the SM is climbing a very long climbing. In its imagination, the 5 feet pitch that is climbing is a mille-long 5.15. The S(h)n is emitted with regular intervals in order to show its stamina. Usually, bigger is the number of "h" used in the noise, longer is the pitch.
3) The Bwaaaaa: this is the classic sound of the last move. When the SM is at the last move of the pitch or boulder and is really pumped usually utilizes this sound. Unfortunately for it, nobody cares what is doing, so it will shout a really loud Bwaaaaa to show everybody at what point it is. Statistically, after the Bwaaaaa, the SM fails the move whit the consequence of an inglorious fall.
4) The Muah (sometimes also Buah): this is a classic sound of desperation. The SM is trying something really, really over it's own possibilities, and it knows that. The noise is usually emitted at a high frequency because all the muscles of the SM are contracted. The Muah is not even a sound: it's more like an involuntary expulsion of air from the SM's lungs. Just like the gas expelled by a corpse when subjects to a pressure.
In conclusion, even though completely innocuous, often the SM sounds ridiculous and can embarrass yourself and all the their climbers that are trying to enjoy their favorite activity.
Therefore, I think is the responsibility of the whole mankind to stop this infestation before it will be too late.
It's the picture of the planet Earth, the planet in which we're living, taken by the rover Curiosity from Mars (click here for the details).
This picture gives the perfect idea of how insignificant we are.
The Universe could go on without us, without problem.
I don't see any sign of god in this picture. I think it will be a little selfish from anyone claiming that this is something created by some "magical" creature/entity.
There is nothing. We are just a stochastic event between a billion of other stochastic events.
Most of the time they fill their mouths with empty/stupid/useless sentences.
Like parrots in a cage they talk and talk and talk and talk. So annoying.
I usually don't talk. I'm literally counting the words I'm saying during the day, and sometimes the final score is zero. I'm a kind of proud of this.
The point is: if I don't have anything to say, I don't say anything.
Please, do the same. Stop talking and enjoy the silence.
And if you really have to say something, please turn on the bluetooth and synchronize your mouth with brain: something smart could come out from the lowest hole of your face.
And here's another problem: usually your words are useless, and most of the time stupid. You don't sound smart at all.
Mine are probably stupid too, but at least I'm not saying anything.
So, this morning I went running and it was raining a lot.
...and I'm not talking about just a regular raining. I'm talking about the Great Flood 100% original from the bible...
Anyway, this apocalyptic weather gave me the idea for this post.
Long story short: whatever I'm doing out there, everything is better when the weather sucks.
Read this:
"This morning I ran 10 miles..."
Pretty lame right?
...now read this:
"This morning I ran 10 miles in a snow storm chased by hungry Siberian wolves..."
Can you see the difference? Pretty awesome right? Yes! And why? Because of the weather (and the wolves too, ok...).
When is raining or snowing, or too cold to freeze my face or hot as hell, I love to go out there and do something.
Why? Because everything is more epic when the weather is terrible.
My best climbing memories are related to some extreme weather conditions, as well as my best runs.
For example, the best 50 km I've run so far was a couple of months ago when I was fighting against the wind trying to stay on my feet and keep running...
Or for example I love running when there's a tornado alert: if I have the chance, I'm going out to run. I love the smell of a coming storm, feel the wind and see this wall of clouds coming towards me. It's like I'm challenging the nature.
And the same thing with climbing.
I remember when I was climbing, many years ago, at Tre frati in Finale (Italy) and suddenly it started to snow: it was so epic! The forest was so quite, and everything was so perfect... Or another time, I was bouldering alone in a cave called Grotta delle fate in Val d'Inferno (Italy), when a summer lighting-storm hit me: I was fine and relatively safe and I kept climbing, and it was so magic and epic!!
So, I don't know why I have this thing, but that's why I want to run the Marathon des sables and the Bad water ultra...
I have this suicidal instinct to challenge the nature.
But the reality is that I'm just stupid.
I was talking about wind and storms. Immortal did it for me:
I'm always complaining about what I'm doing: this never ending battle with science and the world around it*.
But then I look at sick people, and I wonder: is it worth? The answer is: yes, it is.
To all you healthy spoiled brats: stop complaining about your everyday shitty problems. There are human beings out there suffering for real problems, and they don't have time to listen to your bullshits.
...and if they're not suffering because of a disease, maybe they're suffering because they are leaving in a war zone, or simply because they don't have food or water (for example).
So, next time you'll be complaining about the fact that you don't have the new iPhone, or the perfect shoes for running 5 fucking miles, or the perfect and balanced meal, please shut the fuck up.
Let's talk about a worldwide plague that infects thousands of climbing gym and other sports.
Let's talk about those shirtless douchebags out there.
My question is: why? Why do you have to remove your t-shirt?!
I think you are just a douchebag.
Here a couple of points to proof my theory.
First: we don't need to see your hairy chest or your amazing nipples. Maybe you are proud of them, but we are fine, thank you.
Second: what's the purpose here? Without the t-shirt, are you lighter? Yes? Really? Well, if this is the reason, I think you're using t-shirts made with the wrong material. ...or maybe it's just a matter of temperatures: the gym is too warm. And also outside is always too warm. Here's a solution: why don't you migrate in a colder area?
Third: if you're running with no shirt, wearing just a pair of tiny running-pants, you're a freak. Do you know that? You look like a maniac: 90% naked, all sweat and panting, apparently chasing people in a park. Do you have the picture now?
Forth: let's say that you're climbing and you're trying something really hard. Maybe you're close to send it. Why do you have to remove your shirt? I don't see the point: with no shirt, does the thing you're trying become easier? What kind of sorcery is that?! Good to know! Next time I'll be doing a really hard and tricky experiment, I will remove my shirt... Shirtless science rocks...
Fifth: and what about the pants? If no shirt means climbing/running/whatever harder and better, then wouldn't be better also with no pants? ...and how about naked? How about you skin yourself? The total weight of human epidermis is pretty much 20 pounds: skinless you'll be 20 pounds lighter. Maybe will hitch a little bit, but it will increase your performance...
Sixth: I get it! This is coming from your monkey-brain. You must show all your muscles in order to increase the chances of mating (with the final goal of making a new generation of shirtless douchebags). But most of the time, you don't have all those muscles... Most of the time you're a kind of shapeless flesh-bag: or too skinny or too fatty. Ergo, the chances of mating drop down drastically when you remove your shirt.
Seventh: I've seen several times those douchebags parking the car and going to the gym or to run already shirtless. Are you living like this? Are you going to work or to the supermarket without clothes? If you don't have the money for a t-shirt, I think Salvation Army can help you.
...and please, someone explains me what is the point of the combo "no t-shirt + beanie"?
Do you need to keep your brain warm, while all the blood is busy with your muscles?
I don't think you normally need blood in your brain...
So, in conclusion: evolve yourself and keep the t-shirt on.
