Thanks to the very inspiring mood and the exciting vibes of the climbing gym, plus all the things connected to (too many and too sad to explain. ...in few words: climbing as I love it is decaying really fast), yesterday I went to push some cast iron into a regular gym.
I fit in a regular gym like a satanist fits in the Vatican.
Yesterday I went to climb in the damn climbing gym.
It was a while since last time, 'cause I'm very busy and I'm more focusing on my next ultra.
Anyway, I thought it could be nice being there and climb, but it wasn't like that.
Not at all.
Climbing on plastic is so sad and pathetic and ridiculous and demotivating.
I was staring at the other climbers: like brainless monkeys, we're trying to reach the top of a wall, and then jump down.
Where's the thrill? Where is the danger? Where is the "being out of the comfort zone" feeling? Where is the smell of the rock, the feeling of the pain, the magic of a wood, the blood on your fingers? Where are all of those things in the plastic-climbing situation?
Plastic climbing is so damn stupid and useless.
It's only train. You train during the week and you climb (real climbing on real rock) on the week-end.
For a lot of people (new generation?) climbing starts and ends in the fuckin' climbing gym.
Climbing is something completely different.
...and this thing really pisses me off.
I love climbing. Climbing is part of me. And it really chops my heart in half knowing that nowadays for a lot of people (and unfortunately, also for me), climbing is just a pathetic "aerobic activity" performed on plastic inside a damn gym.
Dear new-generation climbers, what is your problem?
Go to climb, send your thing, go back home and go fuck yourself. Do all of that without making video.
I'm sick and tired of all these climbing videos: they are all the same and they all have the same plot.
They all start with you while you're going to the crag/boulder, then there are footage of you trying and failing on the project, and finally the clip of you sending the damn project.
Off course, same dialogues: "I realized it was the perfect climb...", "I didn't think it was possible...", "I've been training really hard...", "I sent it, I'm happy, it was the most important thing in my life..."...
They even have the same kind of music. This pseudo electronic/trance music to show that you're cool, but you're also deep and spiritual...
STOP IT.
So boring.
Especially the ones with the girls.
I don't know why, the girls on these fucking videos are even more annoying and narcissistic than the guys.
Please, stop to pollute the world with those useless videos.
This is not climbing. This is showing up.
This is a "Oh, look at me how strong and cool and cute and good looking I am.".
This is wrong.
Do you want to make a cool climbing video? Here the perfect soundtrack:
So yesterday there was this climbing comp at the gym and I can't avoid to write something mean about that...
To be clear, I won't complain about national/official comps here, but about the classic gym-comps, where there is nothing of official and everything is just for "having fun".
Let me start with this statement: I did several climbing-comps in the past. My first climbing-comp was a lead-comp (I'm pretty sure it was in 1998). Why lead and not a bouldering one? Simply because back in the day, bouldering wasn't an option. It was still a pre-boulder era... How old was that, uh?
Anyway, after that one, I've done several others comps: I've traveled for them, I've spent money for the comps, etc...
So, you maybe wonder why I was doing it. Honestly, I'm not sure. Comps are off course a good training session, but this is not the real reason. I don't even like compete against others, and off course, I've never done one with the goal of winning it... To be really honest, I was competing maybe because I was thinking that if you really want to be part of the "climbing scene" you have to do it.
I was young and stupid.
Now I'm still stupid, but I'm older, and with age comes wisdom, so I've stopped with the comps.
Not only I've stopped: I'm staying really far away from them.
I don't like (hate? Yeah, let's go with hate), I hate climbing comps for several reasons. First of all, they are not funny. I don't see how I could enjoy climbing on plastic, in a crowded-restricted-smelly-dusty-warm area. And this is the second reason: the people. The worst from climbers: they are all there, packed and concentrated in few square feet. All my nightmares in one single shot. Assholes with no shirt on, screaming and yelling and panting and bragging and screaming again. Another reason is the climbing itself, that really sucks. If you're trying to climb, you have to stay in line and wait for your turn. And off course, there is always someone skipping the line (and I'm italian, so I'm really a pro in that field). And when is finally your turn, the holds are all sweat and polished. And if you fall, you actually fall on people... I could go on and on for hours. Oh, and now with Facebook and Twitter everything is over-enhanced: thousands of pictures followed by thousand of ashtags (don't worry, I will also complaining about you ashtaggers in a specific post) of douchebags screaming and showing off they muscles. This is not climbing. This is a circus.
Climbers ready for the comp.
I will end here. The take home message is: climbing-comps suck.
Brief (because I'm really busy [ah, science...]) consideration about solo climbing...
I've watched the new video of Alex Honnold on "El sendero luminoso" (here).
Solo climbing of a 2,500 ft. with a 5.12d in the middle.
Oh yeah, nice, good job, high five...
We know you can do it, and congrats on that...
But... I don't think solo-climbing is a good thing for climbing, in general...
We spent years trying to explain that climbing is a pretty much safe activity, trying to teach to kids that you can climb whatever you want but please use the right protections and be safe, and thousands of other wonderful words...
Then some dude comes, climbs some really hard stuff rope-less, and all those wonderful words are gone...
These kind of things attract the attention of general douchebags, that will try to the same. But statistic teaches me that out there there not too many Alex Honnold, and a lot of those rope-less douchebags will die... And what will happen? It will happen that media will attack climbing saying that is dangerous, not safe, etc. etc., and we will be again at the starting point, trying to explain that climbing is safe and not dangerous and blah blah blah...
Can you see the loop?
...and talking about statistic: soon or later, one crimp will break or one foot will loose.
Ok, dying doing what you really love is really romantic and poetic, but...
Yesterday I made my personal on the 10 km distance (not during a race, just regular training).
While I was in the middle of it, I checked my pace, and I was doing 3:52/km.
That was exactly my personal record on the 1 km when I was 7 years old. How cute was that?
One year later, my personal was 3:15.
...and I could go on and on.
We are climbers, or runners, or whatever and we're living in the constant search of numbers: times, paces, grades... With that in our mind we forget why we're trying to beat those number. We forget that we're doing something just because we love it.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
and then one day you find ten years have got behind you
no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
Note: if your name is Chris Sharma or Adam Ondra you can skip this post.
If not, please read.
I will describe here another kind of infestation that affects every climbing gyms and climbing areas all around the world.
I will talk about the classic hominid that screams and yells during its favorite activity.
For scientific reasons, I will refer to the specimen as "Screaming Monkey" (SM).
The SM can be found in every gym and crag and boulder area all around the world.
In 98% of the cases, the SM is a young male, often half naked (for more details, please read here) even though sporadically, also females have been described.
The principal characteristic of the SM is its ability to scream and yell like a wounded dinosaur while is climbing.
The only purpose of the scream is to attract the attention of other people. In its mind, those terrible sounds have the meaning of "Look at me how giga-awesome I am!" and "Look at what incredible and amazing things I'm doing on this wall...". Unfortunately for it, nobody really cares about what is doing; however it will keep to emit its loud noises.
Moreover, the noise is also used in general by the SM to announce is presence to the rest of the climber population present in loco, especially to mates of opposite sex and/or in case of crowded areas.
Usually, the intensity and the frequency of its screams are proportionally correlated to the intensity of its climbing. In other words, with the increase of the difficulty of the climbing, will be an increase of the noise pollution.
In general, the noise of the SM can be categorized in four different groups:
1) The Argh: usually is a single short and loud scream. This sound is generally used during the most difficult passage of whatever the SM is climbing. The Argh is shouted in the fatal moment in which the SM is holding the key crimp of the thing is climbing. The Argh is used by the SM as a snapshot of the moment.
2) The S(h)n (with the variant of S(h)nahh): this is the classic sound of a pumped SM. This is a noise produced when the SM is climbing a very long climbing. In its imagination, the 5 feet pitch that is climbing is a mille-long 5.15. The S(h)n is emitted with regular intervals in order to show its stamina. Usually, bigger is the number of "h" used in the noise, longer is the pitch.
3) The Bwaaaaa: this is the classic sound of the last move. When the SM is at the last move of the pitch or boulder and is really pumped usually utilizes this sound. Unfortunately for it, nobody cares what is doing, so it will shout a really loud Bwaaaaa to show everybody at what point it is. Statistically, after the Bwaaaaa, the SM fails the move whit the consequence of an inglorious fall.
4) The Muah (sometimes also Buah): this is a classic sound of desperation. The SM is trying something really, really over it's own possibilities, and it knows that. The noise is usually emitted at a high frequency because all the muscles of the SM are contracted. The Muah is not even a sound: it's more like an involuntary expulsion of air from the SM's lungs. Just like the gas expelled by a corpse when subjects to a pressure.
In conclusion, even though completely innocuous, often the SM sounds ridiculous and can embarrass yourself and all the their climbers that are trying to enjoy their favorite activity.
Therefore, I think is the responsibility of the whole mankind to stop this infestation before it will be too late.
So, this morning I went running and it was raining a lot.
...and I'm not talking about just a regular raining. I'm talking about the Great Flood 100% original from the bible...
Anyway, this apocalyptic weather gave me the idea for this post.
Long story short: whatever I'm doing out there, everything is better when the weather sucks.
Read this:
"This morning I ran 10 miles..."
Pretty lame right?
...now read this:
"This morning I ran 10 miles in a snow storm chased by hungry Siberian wolves..."
Can you see the difference? Pretty awesome right? Yes! And why? Because of the weather (and the wolves too, ok...).
When is raining or snowing, or too cold to freeze my face or hot as hell, I love to go out there and do something.
Why? Because everything is more epic when the weather is terrible.
My best climbing memories are related to some extreme weather conditions, as well as my best runs.
For example, the best 50 km I've run so far was a couple of months ago when I was fighting against the wind trying to stay on my feet and keep running...
Or for example I love running when there's a tornado alert: if I have the chance, I'm going out to run. I love the smell of a coming storm, feel the wind and see this wall of clouds coming towards me. It's like I'm challenging the nature.
And the same thing with climbing.
I remember when I was climbing, many years ago, at Tre frati in Finale (Italy) and suddenly it started to snow: it was so epic! The forest was so quite, and everything was so perfect... Or another time, I was bouldering alone in a cave called Grotta delle fate in Val d'Inferno (Italy), when a summer lighting-storm hit me: I was fine and relatively safe and I kept climbing, and it was so magic and epic!!
So, I don't know why I have this thing, but that's why I want to run the Marathon des sables and the Bad water ultra...
I have this suicidal instinct to challenge the nature.
But the reality is that I'm just stupid.
I was talking about wind and storms. Immortal did it for me:
Let's talk about a worldwide plague that infects thousands of climbing gym and other sports.
Let's talk about those shirtless douchebags out there.
My question is: why? Why do you have to remove your t-shirt?!
I think you are just a douchebag.
Here a couple of points to proof my theory.
First: we don't need to see your hairy chest or your amazing nipples. Maybe you are proud of them, but we are fine, thank you.
Second: what's the purpose here? Without the t-shirt, are you lighter? Yes? Really? Well, if this is the reason, I think you're using t-shirts made with the wrong material. ...or maybe it's just a matter of temperatures: the gym is too warm. And also outside is always too warm. Here's a solution: why don't you migrate in a colder area?
Third: if you're running with no shirt, wearing just a pair of tiny running-pants, you're a freak. Do you know that? You look like a maniac: 90% naked, all sweat and panting, apparently chasing people in a park. Do you have the picture now?
Forth: let's say that you're climbing and you're trying something really hard. Maybe you're close to send it. Why do you have to remove your shirt? I don't see the point: with no shirt, does the thing you're trying become easier? What kind of sorcery is that?! Good to know! Next time I'll be doing a really hard and tricky experiment, I will remove my shirt... Shirtless science rocks...
Fifth: and what about the pants? If no shirt means climbing/running/whatever harder and better, then wouldn't be better also with no pants? ...and how about naked? How about you skin yourself? The total weight of human epidermis is pretty much 20 pounds: skinless you'll be 20 pounds lighter. Maybe will hitch a little bit, but it will increase your performance...
Sixth: I get it! This is coming from your monkey-brain. You must show all your muscles in order to increase the chances of mating (with the final goal of making a new generation of shirtless douchebags). But most of the time, you don't have all those muscles... Most of the time you're a kind of shapeless flesh-bag: or too skinny or too fatty. Ergo, the chances of mating drop down drastically when you remove your shirt.
Seventh: I've seen several times those douchebags parking the car and going to the gym or to run already shirtless. Are you living like this? Are you going to work or to the supermarket without clothes? If you don't have the money for a t-shirt, I think Salvation Army can help you.
...and please, someone explains me what is the point of the combo "no t-shirt + beanie"?
Do you need to keep your brain warm, while all the blood is busy with your muscles?
I don't think you normally need blood in your brain...
So, in conclusion: evolve yourself and keep the t-shirt on.
I've been climbing since March 17 1990. This means 24 non-stop years of crimping and sweating with the only purpose off arriving on the top of a rock.
It sounds stupid, but is not.
I've never considered (and I will never do it) climbing just a sport. For the way I'm seeing it, there is a lot of poetry and philosophy and romance in climbing. Climbing teach me how to behave and how to react and respond to several situations. Climbing kept me high during low phases and helped me a lot. And it's still doing all of these things to me.
I love climbing, and I will love it forever. This is statement.
Unfortunately, in these 24 years, I saw a lot of changes in the climbing world, and most of them were bad changes.
When I've started, we were going bouldering with nothing but our climbing shoes and the chalk bag. But we were climbing anyway.
When I've started, most of the bolts were manually made by the setter, and most of them were rusty after two months. But we were climbing anyway.
When I started, only few guidebooks were available. But we were climbing anyway.
When I've started there were no climbing gym (only a couple of them in France), and there were no differences between climbing and training: it was just climbing.
When I've started, Patrick Edlinger (rip) and Patrick Berhault (rip) were setting the rules for what is climbing today, and nowadays nobody (in the climbing circle) remembers or knows them.
I still remember how sad I was last year when Patrick Edlinger (Salut!) died. The same day, I went to the climbing gym and I was explaining why I was sad. The reaction of the others climbers was "Patrick, who??". Meh...
Patrick Edlinger (left) and Patrick Berhault (right): so 70's, so pure.
When I've started, there has always been the feeling that maybe, that day, was the last of my days, because, you know, shit happens. And this was part of the thrill, part of what was making climbing so big and important (at least to me).
Today everything is different.
Ten years old kids are crushing grades and pushing the bar every day a little bit higher. Today is (almost) safe. Today we can train harder and harder everyday. Today there are thousands of different spots where we can go to have fun. Today we have crash pad, ultra-light material, cool clothes to match with our "ultra-cool" climbing-lifestyle...
...and I could go on and on, but long story short, I think today is worst.
The magic of climbing is gone.
Every time a new hamster (this is my definition of totally-psyched-megadude-indoor climbers: hamsters, like hamsters in their wheel) born, a little piece of magic of climbing is fading away.
"Hi, I'm flashing V10 on plastic, but I've never seen a real rock in my life..."
Today, all of these hamsters don't know the history of what they are doing... And I'm also convinced that they are doing it just because they need something to keep their mind busy.
Most of them are just a bunch of douchebags strong enough to climb and evolved enough to know how to belay (by the way, it does not require to much brain-effort).
I'm a scientist, and my nature is to observe and describe the world. Therefore, I'm observing those hamsters: they yell, the scream, they pump up each other's ego, but I don't see anything that belongs to climbing.
Maybe I'm a little shellfish here, but I think climbing is not for everyone and it should be restricted to a specific group of people. Don't you think?
...and what about all these meetings and aggregation of hamsters? Is that climbing or a lemmings migration?
One of the several good aspects of climbing is that you can do it basically all alone: you just need a rock, the nature all around you and yourself. Beautiful.
But no, not anymore! Just like the hamsters love to stay close to each other, also the doucheclimber do the same: they organize meeting with hundreds (or thousands) of other hamsters, behaving exactly like they behave in the gym. Absolutely awful.
Melloblocco: look at all those damn hamsters (please enjoy the statistic here: 2 dudes climbing, 36 dudes doing nothing).
Ok, I will end here.
I know that all these complains could sound just a general complaining of a hold fart too attached to the past. And maybe it's like that.
All I hope is that these words have pissed off some of those hamsters out there...
...and please, note that this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Here the soundtrack:
I choose this song for a specific reason. Several years ago I was doing multipitch at Pianarella (see picture): while I was climbing, there was absolute silence, I was surrounded by wonderful rock and nothing else, and this song was in my mind. Suddenly, I realized how wonderful was the situation and I thought "I don't need anything else.".
